Pets

The other day I was reading an article about dust mites. The article talked about their eight fuzzy legs, scaly, eyeless faces, and cute little mouth-like appendage. They sound adorable, and I want one! I read that there are thousands of these in every home, but I’ve never seen any.

When I was in first grade, I had a friend whose mother had a pet iguana. It would hang from the curtains and barf up flies. One day it went behind the clothes dryer and died.

I had a friend in college with a pet monkey. He said his brother saved it from a research lab. It had to wear a diaper all the time, and he made it wear a beanie. I say “made,” because he had to tape the beanie on, or the monkey would keep taking it off. The monkey often looked thin, so sometimes I’d bring the monkey leftover sandwiches from the deli where I worked. I’d mark them “for monkey,” and leave them in my friend’s fridge. But the monkey never gained weight; his diaper just hung around his hips in a very sad way. Then I found out my friend was eating the sandwiches. Which made me very angry.

I felt bad for that monkey. Except he used to throw things and knock items off the coffee table. Also, he’d interrupt our conversations with irritating noises like, “I’m not a monkey! My name is Dr. Blake! My family will come looking for me!” Then we’d put him back in his box.